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It really isn’t all that bad up here. I workout everyday now and I bought some snowshoes, although its been too cold to use them. My work is interesting and I’m learning stuff. Which is always good right? I’m getting used to the free time, and I like the people out here (I normally only really only talk to 3 people, but the others I do meet are very nice).

But the thing that really irritates me is that this is the city that I was flown to after the accident, its where I was treated and had my first surgery. And that’s what really gets at me. I’m trying so hard to find how I used to be because she was so amazing. She was happy, fit, beautiful, smart, funny, kind. This all around good person……and I just want to find her again…..but I’m not sure I can. If I can’t find her here, or at the cottage, I don’t think I ever will.

But I can’t remember anything about this city, and I really want to see the hospital to see if I remember anything….but I don’t even know if you can go into the pediatric ward without seeing a patient……And at the same time I don’t want to see it because it seems so desperate…..and with all my free time and with my arm hurting I think about my arm and the accident a lot. To be really honest with you I’m getting tired of my own thoughts…..I think it might also be that I haven’t told anyone about my arm up here and not having it out in the open makes me think about it more…..but I just don’t know.

So there is my current dilemma, should I go see the hospital…..and should I tell the one co-worker that I’m close with…….I DON’T KNOW……gaaaaaaaaaa, monkeys bleh……